If you’re curious, I’m waiting till I get to -33- before I start naming my posts. Somehow I feel that will prove I’ve made it a habit.

Today is the Feast of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, and I thought I’d share a stupid little story that makes me laugh when I remember it.

But first let’s get spiral to the point. (Help me out, people-what’s the opposite of “straight to the point”? Forte: it’s not “gay to the point”…)

The Church teaches that, because of her special role in salvation history, Jesus’ mother has been blessed with being the first Christian to experience the resurrection of the body that Christians believe everyone will experience at the end of time. The Church says that, at the end of her earthly life, God took the Virgin Mary, body and soul, up to heaven. I don’t know what her zip code is or exactly how that works, but that’s the Church’s teaching. Protestants may think that’s crazy, but the Bible says both Enoch and Elijah were taken up to be with God, so they can’t dismiss this idea as merely a Catholic invention.

One of the strongest arguments in favor of the universality and antiquity of this belief in the pre-Reformation Church is the interesting fact that there are no pilgrimage sites that even claim to be the tomb of the Virgin Mary. Think about it: even in the most corrupt times of the Church when charlatans were claiming to have such spurious relics as the head of John the Baptist as a child and the Virgin Mary’s breast milk, no one set up a roadside shrine in Ephesus or Jerusalem or anywhere trying to capitalize on the burial place of the most famous saint ever. This, along with the fact that Satanists never perform “Black” Presbyterian Worship Services, is one of my favorite arguments for the truth of Catholicism.

Anyway, “at the end of her earthly life” God brings Mary to Himself.  Notice that the Church doesn’t say, “after her death.” This is because there are theological reasons for believing that Our Lady was exempt from the penalty of death to which all other members of our fallen race are subject. If, as the Church also teaches, God preserved (i.e. saved) Mary from the “stain” of Original Sin (i.e. its effects), this makes perfect sense. Now again Protestants might object to this idea because they believe it’s human nature to be sinful, but that’s not strictly true. Remember, before the Fall Adam and Eve were created sinless (“able to stand, but free to fall” as Milton puts it), so being human doesn’t require one to be sinful. All Christians acknowledge Jesus as the New Adam; some of us recognize Mary as the New Eve. As the new, perfectly obedient Eve who always says to her Lord, “Let it be done unto me according to your will,” it again makes sense that Our Lady would be free from the penalty of death.

Now, careful readers might object and point out that Jesus died and he was indisputably free from sin, so why wouldn’t Mary die as well? Well, that’s why the Church’s formula is as it is. “At the end of her early life” could mean when she died or when her life changed from being earthly to being heavenly. In the Eastern Church they speak of the Dormition (i.e. the going to sleep) of the Virgin Mary.

I’d also like to point out that Jesus didn’t have to die, he allowed himself to be killed. This is why we corrected the English translation of the Nicene Creed to say “He suffered death and was buried” instead of “He suffered, died, and was buried.” Suffer means “to allow.”  From older English translations of the Bible you might recall Jesus saying,  “Suffer the children to come into me.” He’s not telling the Disciples to inflict harm on children. He’s saying, “Let them come to me.” Interestingly, our word passion has the same root as passive. Thus, the “passion of Christ” doesn’t mean “the intense emotional ordeal of the Messiah” as so many people  mistakenly think. It means “the agony and pain Jesus allowed Himself to be subject to even though He could have summoned a host of angels and wiped out the Romans in a heartbeat.”

So, enough spiraling. The stupid story:

The summer between my sophomore and junior years of college I spent a month or so living in community with some friends in Steubenville, Ohio. We had gone out to attend the summer conferences at Franciscan University with a group called Catholic Commission, which was like Campus Crusade for Christ, but Catholic. We lived in a house without a TV or a phone (it did have basement we referred to as “The Promised Land” that featured a solitary toilet out in the open with no privacy whatsoever), so instead of vegging out at night or chatting on the phone, we would pray the rosary.

Well, our house leader was a very conscientious man and he very much disliked the fact that, whenever we prayed the Glorious Mysteries, some of my housemates and I would get the giggles during the fourth decade.

“Why are you laughing?”

“No reason,” I chortle.

“Seriously, what gives?”

“Fine. It’s just this mystery is about the Assumption.”

“So?”

“Well, what if Mary was just washing the dishes after dinner in her home in Ephesus and was about to serve the Beloved Disciple some dessert and she turns away from the sink to grab the baklava and when turns back, there’s Jesus and the rest of the Trinity staring at her. Jesus says, ‘Welcome to heaven, Ma! Ain’t it great?'”

“And? ”

“And, well, Mary’s upset.”

“Why is Mary upset?”

“Well, because she’s a good hostess and wanted to make sure John got his dessert.”

“So why does that make you guys giggle?”

“Because, what if she gets mad at Jesus for taking her up body and soul and his apology is where we got the name of the mystery? ‘Gee, Ma, well, um, I guess Dad, HS, and I just figured you’d like to join us…'”

So, God is good. We’d been wandering in the desert for five years or so and, as sometimes happens in our life, God decides to act in an unmistakable way and I get this phone call:

“Wanna be the Academic Dean at Saint Mary’s?”

“Um, yes please.”

“Don’t you want to know the details? Don’t you want to know how much you’ll be making?”

“I guess. . .”

Then, prayer:

“Lord, what are you doing? I hate green. I mean, I. HATE. Green. And Saint Mary’s? My nemesis?  Is this really where you want me to go? I’ll do it, (of course I’ll do it), but please send me a friend. Amen.”

A couple of days later I’m at the Catholic Men’s Fellowship annual conference and I bump into to an acquaintance:

“Hi, Rob. I don’t know if you remember me, but I took your class on Catholic Education at Saint Thomas the Apostle’s Institute for Catholic Theology.”

“Sure,  I remember you. You’re my friend Mike’s brother-in-law. You teach at a public school, right?  How can help?”

“Well, I’m thinking about teaching at Veritas and I wanted to ask your advice.”

“You shouldn’t do that. You should teach at Saint Mary’s.”

“What? ”

“You should teach at Saint Mary’s.”

“I actually have an interview there tomorrow.”

“Really? Me too! What for? ”

“Dean.”

“Wait. . .what? Me, too. . .for Dean of Academics.”

“Oh, ha! Mine is for Dean of Students.”

“Kevin, this is so funny. I was just praying about this and I told God I’d do it, but I told Him He had to send me a friend. You’re an answer to prayer–you have to take the job.”

“No, you don’t understand: you’re an answer to prayer.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve been really struggling with this decision about whether to work for Veritas or not, so I asked my brother who’s a priest what I should do. He said, ‘Kevin, when I’m in a situation like this, I tell the Lord, “God, I’m stupid. Make it totally clear to me what I’m supposed to do.”‘ So, that’s what I prayed last night and then you just say that out of the blue. It’s a sign!”

It was a sign. And that’s how Saint Mary’s’ former-Dean-of-Students-now-Assistant-Principle and I answered each other’s prayers and both started working there. 

More tomorrow. . .

In case you’re wondering, I’ve made an agreement with myself that, as far as these pasta are concerned, done is better than perfect. For example,  I just now resisted the very strong urge to correct my auto-correct when it write pasta instead of post.  

Wrote pasta instead of post.  Sheesh. 

(Don’t worry–this is all part of my master plan–I’m going to write my way out of what ails me and nobody’s gonna bring me down.)

So, anyway, where was I? Ah, yes: the Sinai. 

Back in post -15- I made the outrageous claim that not having my contract renewed was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. I totally believe that without a ounce of irony. I believe it because that devastating experience taught me many, many invaluable lessons. 

I learned how to  walk by faith and not by sight, how to trust God for daily bread, how to pray like my life depended on it, how to listen, how to speak, how to have an exodus. I learned that God is always good, that pain is never permanent, that sometimes the darkness that envelopes us is the shadow of His wings and not the shadow of death.  

Much of what I hope to write here at the Inkwell is stuff  I learned in the Sinai. But, today I’ll skip to when our sojourn ended and we crossed the Jordan into the Promised Land.

(FYI, that pressure to be done and not perfect is starting to kick in, so this may be anti-climactic.)

Basically, we had left Egypt and its fleshpots (my old school) and been living on manna from IBM (thank you, Scott Whitfield) and quail from Kolbe school, the most wonderful K-8 school in the history of humanity (thank you Mary Jo and Paul Scamperle), when, in the midst of minding my own business, I got a phone call from Father Bolding. 

“How would you like to be the Dean of Academics at Saint Mary’s High School?”

“Um, yes? ”

To be continued. . .

This is why I didn’t post anything yesterday. I was too busy trying to find a fitting way to honor my wife, without whom our family falls into ruin. Haagen-Dazs replied. I don’t know if it will come through, but the second paragraph was in a slightly different font.  I think that was their attempt to personalize the response.

Hello Rob,

Thank you for your email regarding Häagen-Dazs®. We always enjoy hearing from our consumers with suggestions about ways to improve our products.

We are delighted to hear that you as much as yourself have enjoyed our products. Our flavor development team members work very hard each year improving tried and true favorites and devising new and exciting flavor combinations — they will be happy to receive your positive feedback!

Our flavor team works year-round experimenting with new flavor ideas or modifications to flavors we already offer. While we cannot guarantee that your request will be acted upon immediately, we can assure you that we will pass along your suggestion to our flavor team members for their consideration.

Because we appreciate that you took the time to contact us, I have included a link at the end of this email for a printable savings coupon that I hope you will enjoy!Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Have a nice day!

The lady who got back to me forgot to attach the printable coupons.  I’m waiting for another response.

As an unrepentant paronomasiac, I’m always looking for cleverer ways to say things than is strictly necessary. So, when my relationship with my first official girlfriend ended (over the phone and against my wishes), I told my friends that “she mutually decided to break up with me.”  And when my second real girlfriend (now wife) and I actually realized the earning potential of my Religious Studies degree, I  told our friends that we had become “involuntary Franciscans.” We quit talking about wanting to embrace Lady Poverty like Saint Francis, once “Lady” Poverty (that sphinx) embraced us.

I say all that so that when I tell you that the high school I used to work for also “mutually decided to break up with me” you’ll know what I mean. I loved that other high school very much–I still do–it is my alma mater and many of the best things that ever happened to me happened there.  I will always be grateful for the good and holy men who inspired me to live my life for the greater glory of God and introduced me to some of my favorite authors and saints.  Nevertheless, after having been employed there, I feel that the school I went to and the school I worked at were two very different places.  (So much so that I used to joke that when I worked there the Virgin Mary appeared to me one afternoon and asked for a Catholic school to be built on that site.)  But what do I know?  Maybe the school I went to was exactly the same as the one I worked at and the only difference was which side of the faculty room door I was on. I certainly have a much different understanding of how schools are run now that I’ve served as an administrator at one.

I have no hard feelings toward this other institution, but it is most definitely not The Greatest High School in the Universe. That honor belongs to Saint Mary’s Catholic High School in Phoenix, Arizona.  Incidentally, Saint Mary’s happens also to be the ancient rival of my alma mater, and, for most of my life, I considered it the most repugnant institution on the face of God’s red earth.

Now, I promised in my previous post that I would tell of my arranged marriage to Saint Mary’s, but that was a tease.  I’ll tell all that tomorrow (after I obediently go to sleep).  For tonight, I’ll conclude with this: the last great gift I received from my previous employer was them letting me go.  Next to my wife and children (and pressure cooker–thanks, Paolo!) this was the greatest gift I’ve ever received.  More tomorrow.

I didn’t post anything yesterday and today’s pay is just a link, but at least it’s thought-provoking. Father Bolding called Pokémon Go the real zombie apocalypse the other day at our faculty meeting. I think that’s profound. 

This artist’s art seems equally profound: 

Dark Political Cartoons Show How Technology Is Our New Master | The Creators Project
http://thecreatorsproject.vice.com/blog/viral-pokemon-go-illustration-dark-political-cartoons?utm_source=tcpfbusads

Heads up to any who are keeping me accountable to my fault posting: I may skip tomorrow since it’s the Sabbath (I might post after sunset just to honor my spiritual semitism), but I promise to make up for it with a longish post about how my love for the greatest high school in the universe started as an arranged marriage of sorts, but is nevertheless true love and not infatuation or some kind of misplaced institutional jingoism.  

Today was a long day, so this will be a short post. In conclusion, I work at the greatest high school in the universe. 

The very first thing our incoming freshmen (among whom is my daughter Olivia) heard from the president-rector of the school was this: “Our  goal for you at Saint Mary’s is that every one of you will leave this school having come into a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Very. First. Thing. 

I have friends who would argue that this approach is too on the nose, that evangelizing kids requires more subtlety, etc. They’re wrong. Everybody needs to know they are loved, full stop. 

One of my favorite passages in scripture is Acts 17 where Saint Paul addresses the Athenians and tries to win them over by telling them all about the unnamed God they worship. (“In him we move,we live, and have our being. ..”) I have always liked this passage because Paul uses Greek culture to evangelize the Greeks. Their pagan poetry is now Christian poetry. That’s cool. 

BUT, he didn’t get any converts doing this. It wasn’t until he started preaching Christ and Him crucified that the conversions began pouring in. 

When I went in for my “pre-” screening for my former position at Saint Mary’s (TGHSITU) I was asked all kinds of questions about what I, as a woefully inexperienced administrator,  would do to strengthen the school’s Catholic identity if the faculty and staff were resistant to change. I said, “I will lift up Jesus Christ and He will draw men to himself.”

This is what we did and Jesus never disappoints. We have attracted the finest teachers and students you can imagine. It’s unbelievable to work in a place where every one is pulling in the same direction and that direction is toward Jesus, the love of my life. 

God is so, so good. 

Yesterday was our faculty retreat. The topic of the day was acedia. You don’t know that you know what acedia is, but you do: it’s the unnamed demon that you didn’t even know you’ve been struggling against. 

The medieval monks who first applied this term to the Christian spiritual life associated all of the evil thoughts / temptations with which they struggled with demons. From the Wikipedia article linked above:

The demon of acedia holds an important place in early monastic demonology and proto-psychology. In the late fourth century Evagrius of Pontus, for example, characterizes it as “the most troublesome of all” of the eight genera of evil thoughts. 

Now, it might seem quaint to us to talk about acedia as a demon, but I’d like you to ask yourself if that’s because it’s a childish notion or because we’ve tacitly accepted the materialist, scientistic worldview that pervades our culture? 

Medieval cosmologists believed the stars and planets were moved about by angels. What if that is true? I for one much prefer living in a world where “the heavens” are filled with wonderful things to living in a world where the night sky is simply “space.”  

Anyway, acedia. Now that you know the name of the demon you can go about exorcizing it. More on that soon. 

Bread from Heaven
My one and only published poem. It goes with today’s mass readings. 

http://dappledthings.org/4334/bread-from-heaven/

p.s. I won the heroic moment today, butit was close. 

This morning I was reminded how important it is to have a routine. When I rely on inspiration to get things done, nothing gets done. When I follow a set routine, I’m a champ. Maybe some people are disciplined enough to do what needs to be done without a routine, but my fallen nature makes it very easy to fall back asleep and very hard to do the opposite. 

I’ve labeled the alarm on my phone, “Serviam” as a reminder that, unlike Lucifer, I want to serve, but I’ve been bad about winning the heroic moment (the moment you first wake up). I’ll start being intentional about it again tomorrow. Pray that I can keep this promise. I’ll pray for you, too. 

One thing that should definitely be a part of everyone’s routine is prayer and scripture reading. I’ll share my routine in another post, but I’ll say now that the daily mass readings are easy to find and short  enough to read with your morning joe (or your morning go). 

When we pray, we tend to talk a lot. When we read the scriptures, God talks back. I find He’s often funny. Once when I was belly aching about how poor I am, the psalm of the day was, “The LORD hears the cry of the poor.” When I was recently diagnosed with diabetes, the reading said, “You will surely die.” Cute, Lord.

I’m pleasantly surprised by how often God speaks to me in that winking manner. I’m glad for it. There are some people who are more religious than God who might think God doesn’t wink. I don’t want to be one of them. I want to be a merry Christian, and a merry Christian to all, ho, ho, ho.